The gift of creativity

a poem & how creating reminds me I am alive

The Gift of My Life

This is the gift of my life. Sometimes somber, quiet,

sometimes a cacophony of voices, impossible to discern.

Behind all the chaos runs a soft river, a velvet ribbon

I remember when I untie myself from everything I think I am.

I am ready to stop taking life for granted,

replacing its magic with the dull

ache of ‘what ifs’ – all pulling for my attention.

This is the gift of my life. I turn towards what hurts,

look tenderly upon its loving face. Above all, I hold this gently.

-E.L.Dan

Hi Friend,

Earlier today, as the rain came down, landing heavy on the backs of the changing leaves, I found myself in a loop of what’s the point thinking. These thoughts made me feel fearful of what my life could become if I ran on autopilot, if I decided that all of my doing is much more important than my being. I am no stranger to this—
it’s a path my anxiety and I cross often. My anxiety tries to predict the future but somehow the future is always gray, always heavy.

Ever since I got sober last year, I’ve been learning how to not push away what is uncomfortable. To become more of an open palm and less of a closed fist. This afternoon, I asked myself gently: what would help you right now? And then I decided to paint.

First I added a golden layer to a canvas I started working on months ago, and next added a bright orange to the center of the sun. Then I cut up a bunch of small pieces of Bristol paper and started to squeeze paint directly onto the page, smearing and pressing with my hands, the brushes, and sponges.

Creating reminds me that I am alive. I am not a robot, or a machine. I can take something stark and empty and infuse magic into it. It is like a love letter to the Universe, a cry from the top of the mountain, a way to say to the world: I am here. I am here!

This realization reminded me of a poem I wrote in March titled “The Gift of My Life.” You can read it above and listen to it as well.

What are your favorite ways to slow down and remind yourself of your own creativity and aliveness? I also love cooking and spending time with my animal companions.

Sending you so much love and a full, deep breath.

xo Erin

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